a lament of a teacher
Aug. 3, 2010 5 Comments Posted under: Uncategorized
Oh to be on the other side of the desk…being a student was so easy. Being a teacher can be so hard.
Here I am sitting at my desk, 3:30, exhausted, fighting discouragement, reflecting on the million and one things I could have done better today. My perfectionist tendencies haunt me. We are encouraged to reflect as teachers… I don’t have a problem with that… I over-reflect!
It really gets me when people pass teaching as an ‘easy option’. Contrary to popular opinion teaching is among one of the more difficult professions. Sure, I am in my first year of teaching and everything is a challenge, but the fact that teachers are the most common professionals to turn to alcoholism says something…. The fact that 50 percent of Beginning Teachers quit after their first or second year also says something.
Teaching is not for the faint hearted.
The more difficult things of my job include:
- the relentless planning and marking, planning and marking
- the pressure to teach to a standard worthy of one of NZ’s top schools
- dealing with unmotivated & lazy students
- dealing with nasty & arrogant students
- learning and learning and re-learning content … so I can teach it!
- the loooong hours – earrrrly mornings, late nights, working a whole day in the weekend
Nevertheless it is not these things which test me the most. It is what is happening inside of me which is so hard. The constast kneading of my character, the proding at my insecurites, the maginification of my weaknesses, releasing my insecurity, becoming a person of authority… more that anything teaching challenges my sense of identity and my charachter.
And that is exhausting.
Today I feel so far from the perfect teacher, and even more, so far from my perfect self.
But I remember a quote from Kris Vallotoon – “the dogs of doom stand in the doorway of destiny.” Dear Lord, please help me. I don’t want this job to get the better of me. I don’t want to turn into a bitter, worn down woman. I want to maintain a deep love for my students and an unquenchable passion for teaching them! I want to be energized by my job. I want to actually make a difference. Why does it have to be so hard? xxThis entry was posted on Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010 at 3:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Caralise said:
Aug. 3, 2010
So many of us can relate to you girl – I know plenty of teachers that have their heart set on godliness too.
Romans 5 vs 3-5 But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
What a stretching time.
May His Holy Spirit always be abundant in your life – bringing you the mercy and kindness (and patience) you need each morning. May His voice guide you, His spirit strengthen you, His heartbeat be your heartbeat.
His music will uplift your downcast soul, He will take burdens from your shoulders. He loves ya!
Humility in acknowledging your imperfection is precious to God, and to your friends.
Hang in there girl!
Grace said:
Aug. 3, 2010
I so relate! I am also a perfectionist at work. The other night I said to God I just cant do it right any more. I try so hard to do what He teaches me and teach patiently. Then I felt Him say. That it as good I was weak and He would be strong in me. So now each minute I rely on him rather than each day. Still learning this. I agree about kneading of my character! So more reliant and dependent on God than ever before as I realize my weakness and my identity in Him. May we rise up on eagles wings as we soar to new heights. Trusting, waiting, leaning, hoping in our Lord Jesus.
Sarah-Rose said:
Aug. 3, 2010
Awwww Annie! just read your blog and am sending u a BIG!!!!!! txt xx love you xx
Annie said:
Aug. 5, 2010
Thanks so much Caralise! Wow thats sooo uplifting!
Thanks for the verse too! Wow, how perfect!!!!! I’m going to write that down and stick it on my desk!!!
I love your words!
Its such a comfort to know people understand and identify
I’m re reading and re reading your words… so beautiful… thank you Caralise for your encouragement
bless you xx
Annie said:
Aug. 5, 2010
Hi Grace, so good I’m not the only one!! What a relief haha
Oh precious Jesus – he really is strong in us when we are so weak. That song “eagles wings” came to my mind the other day, and I really believe that God wanted to encourage me with that promise… how cool that that is what you also pray. I wonder what fruit God is producing in us – he sure is pruning us!! Thanks for your encouragement Grace! so appreciate it!! 
Thinking of you also in this trying time, what a comfort to know there are others out there struggling with the same thing. Take care, love xx